inside.out.my.soul

Thanks for the song. It was nice, at least to my ears.

Yes, and I do miss you. It has been ages since we last met each other.
I am sorry that I lost contact of you. Maybe I am too busy with my life. Or maybe I'm not. Maybe I am too clumsy in planning my life. I rarely have time to message the person I know, the person I called as friend. I'm sorry. My bad.

News of engagement .. wedding ..

Wow, how fast time flies.
It feels like only yesterday I left school.

Suddenly, the phone calls, the cards, the messages that keep coming in... all telling me, you guys are getting married and engaged. Sweet.

Now I realised how old I am. I always think I am 17. haha =D

I collapsed yesterday.
Ayah and mak said , maybe I am too tired.
Indeed, I am extremely exhausted.
I need a rest. Direly.

Someone asked me , why did you buy big camera ?

Because I want to make sure I capture the moments of my dears as beautifully as possible.

I am searching for The Secret, a book written by Rhonda Byrne. And I am also looking for a book, written by Ali something for my reading this holidays. The book looks exactly like The Secret but discussing the law of attraction in Islamic perspective.

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Along the path of realisation, I've started to belittle the presence of some distractions. But this is only a beginning. I know there is a lot more coming my way.

I've come to a point of fathoming my own thoughts. It's really hard to differentiate some emotions to the other. Most of the time we mixed it or perhaps misinterpreted it. Sensitivity is usually overrated. Empathy is otherwise. There's too many feelings to be considered. Yet too few can be understood thoroughly.

Few days back, I've realised that something that I used to admire is the thing that I hate now. There's only two possibilities , whether the thing or myself is changing. For now, I can't quite figure it out. It's strange to perceive a situation in contrast to what you actually belief before.

Fin

If life has got lots to offer , why refuse to stay?
If expectation is below than thats given , why refuse to change?

Too many if , yet to small a difference we have reshaped.
It's funny that some of us try to be a thinker, philosopher of other people's world when they can't even take care of themselves.

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Asking questions isn't my forte but observing them always make me hit my necktop with lots of doubt. Owh, why is she looking at me like that? Why is he acting like a child and blablabla. Even the most negligible event would left me pondering upon issues that sometimes don't bother me at all.

I hope the habit will stop, eventually. Because I need more time to start thinking of the purpose of my life, the condition I throw myself in and what not. I need to begin planning of future, the uncertainty that I'll face someday , although life, death and love life is not me to decide or know.

Alangkah indahnya hidup ini jika setiap masa dapatku bertalbiyah kepadaMu

HambaMu datang menyahut panggilanMu
Ya Allah
HambaMu datang menyahut panggilanMu
HambaMu datang menyahut panggilanMu
Tidak ada sekutu bagiMu
HambaMu datang menyahut panggilanMu
Ya Allah
Sesungguhnya segala pujian nikmat pemerintahan adalah kepunyaanMu
Tidak ada sekutu bagiMu

Adakah aku bersedia untuk melepaskan satu kehidupan yang baru tercipta?
Adakah air mata ini cukup berani untuk menahan diri?
Mungkinkah aku terlalu tamak dengan segalanya?

Ya Tuhan,
Berikanlah kekuatan buat hambaMu ini,
Untuk menghadapi perpisahan yang akan terjadi,
Kuatkan ikatan ukhwah yang telah dicipta,
Kenangan itu janganlah Kau kaburkan dariku,
Agar ia terus subur membenihi kehidupan ini,
Sebagai pengingat buat kemanisan iman,
Yang aku kutip sepanjang jalan persaudaraan.

Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya hati ini masih sayu,
Memikirkan hari hari akhir yang menjelang,
Kuatkan hati ini Ya Rabul'izzah,
Jika ini ialah ujian buatku,
Jadikanlah ia sebagai permulaan perjalanan,
Yang lebih bermakna,
Tatkala aku merempuh satu alam yang baru.

Ayah.
He is the benchmark for every man who will enter my life.
'He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.'
That's what Clarence Budington Kelland said.
And I totally agree.

Ayah.
Things I remember.

Remember the time when I was crying and you shed my tears?
I felt so save to be under your dear.
Remember you taught me how to tie my shoes?
You say it's like a rabbit but with an ear not two.
Remember when I failed my driving test thrice ?
You gave me support and be present in every test.
Remember I was afraid on the day of my exam results?
That morning you woke me up and said everything gonna be alright.
Remember the time when I'll stand in front of you after my kiddie bath?
You will comb my hair after asking me ' left or right '.
Remember when I tried to ride my first bicycle you bought?
You watched me closely and hold the handle tight.
Remember the day you sent me to college before you're going hajj?
You saw me crying and hugged me close , saying you'll be alright.
Remember when I was hungry and ate some bread ?
You'll go to the kitchen and start preparing some meal.
Remember mak trying to inject me using the biggest syringe in the world?
You hold my hand as the jab of pain running through the blood.
Remember my confused face as I fold my uniform tie?
You took it and folded it for me and said 'now you try'.
So much things to remember.
And surely, I won't stop remembering it.


The remembrance of you always make me smile.
The memories. The treasure. The everything that make you really special.

Because in everything I do, I must find out your say.
Because in deciding, I'll put your thoughts.
Because for me, you knew literally everything.
Because of that, I really want to call you, proudly, as my ayah.
My one and only ayah who always stay by my side, come whatever may.
And mak, I love you so much - nothing less than ayah.
You both are so special that I know nothing other can replace both of you.
And the two of you means everything in my life.

Selamat Hari Bapa , ayah.
Masih awal tapi ini adalah untukmu.